Soon he began yelling and shoving people, warning revelers: “You all do not throw snowballs at my car.”
WELL, IT SEEMS THAT THE DOUCHEBAG DEPICTED ABOVE GOT PISSED OFF BECAUSE HIS SHINY RED “HUMMER” WAS HIT WITH A SNOWBALL, SO — BEING THE AUTHORITARIAN DIPSHIT HE IS — HE PULLED OUT HIS GUN AND PROCEEDED TO PUSH AROUND AND THREATEN PEOPLE. YEAH — HAPPY FUCKIN’ HOLIDAYS TO YOU “DON’T CALL ME ‘ELGIN’ BAYLOR!”
Well see here, you sonsabitches — I’m drunk an’ ornery and I don’t give a flippin’ flyin’ (feces-festooned) fuck what y’all do — so lissen’ up, g’dammit! What we have here is an existential, ennui-enfused, ultra-clusterfuck of a psychobilly enuresis meltdown, West Virginee-style, lard-rendrin’ jam-bor-fuckin’-ee. So mount yer eunuch-cycles, throw down yer’ anchovy-flavored X-Lax, and give it up for…
the hardest-workin’ deviate in porn bizness, the late, great (ingrate) (gotta’ masturbate) GG FUCKIN’ ALLIN!!!
Jimmy was still a little scared of pot, still not quite expunged of gov’t-church-family-school (teevee public service announcement) propaganda. While now convinced that the occasional, thin reefer couldn’t plausibly hurl one, face-first, through a trapdoor into the bowels of Patton State Hospital (pride of Mentone, anus of San Berdoo), he still harbored — played down, or up, for me, as the situated dictated — the fear that (according to a recent study) LONG-TERM USE OF MARIJUANA HAS BEEN LINKED TO A DECREASE IN THE MOTILITY OF SPERM IN MICE. For my part, I obsessed about the nasty rumors that Jamaicans (at least those already on the cusp of madness) — who smoked five or more bazooka-sized “spliffs” a day for at least three decades — were 23% MORE LIKELY THAN THEIR PEERS TO BE HOSPITALIZED FOR SCHIZOPHRENIA. Nevertheless, when I produced a baggy of seedy Mexican locoweed ($35 an ounce from a buddy and stashed beneath the knobby off-road spare), Jimmy didn’t hesitate to endorse the next activity of our family vacation. Hell, he even rolled the Zig-Zags, all the while saying, “Fire it up, fire it up, fire it up…fire it up, fire it up, fire it up” (repeat 3x con allegre). And we did.
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